Our nation is involved in several very highly charged debates right now.
In one way that feels like a really good and healthy thing- highly charged debates bring lots of people out of hiding. Lots of opinions get shared and lots of personal stories get told (which is where healing begins). In that way some people are beginning to express raw honesty. It’s not polished, well-thought out, politically correct truth; it’s raw, visceral honesty.
And, it’s probably the best starting point for real movement towards some resolution.
People are shouting out what is truth to them.
I have come out of hiding, too. Every morning and all throughout the day, I am rushing to my screens to pay attention, to listen to all of the shouting. But, I am not shouting (on the outside). Instead, I’m watching all of this debate go on and feeling like I want to swoop in and hug everyone. I want resolution, and fast.
I want to hug everybody back to their docile, happy selves. So we can all just get along.
Yeah…that won’t work. Not only won’t it work, but it would be detrimental to the situation. Loving people back to calm only covers up the real problem which is that something is wrong.
I need to get raw and honest about my motivation for wanting quick peace.
I want us all to get along so I don’t have to pick a side; I want us all to get along because that would mean that I could stop being suddenly exposed to ugly truth after ugly truth. I want us all to get along so I can feel safe again.
I have figured out that I digest discussions very slowly. It takes me a long time to fully absorb everybody’s perspective and for all of that digestion to materialize into some form of a personal, educated opinion.
I’m a highly sensitive person- which means that everything I take in gets deeply integrated into who I am. So, when I watch or participate in a heated discussion, I mostly absorb what others are saying.
Let me say that again for anyone else who is also highly sensitive- In discussions, I am spending most of my power and energy absorbing what you’re saying. This leaves very little energy and power to respond with my own thoughts and opinions.
And, if a discussion has some underlying anger or ‘heat’ to it, I am also spending what energy I have left to monitor the potential negativity (hate, rage, anger, disappointment, sadness, etc) in order to make sure it also gets acknowledged.
Because, if it remains under the surface, I will absorb that too.
I digest information slowly. I need time to consider what you’ve said. I need time to parse out what I have absorbed and determine what to keep and what to let go of.
We are all being effected by the amount of raw, brutal and sometimes harmful discourse in this country. I’m just trying my best to parse it all out and to keep what is mine and let go of what is toxic.
I will allow myself the time to slowly digest what is being shared; I will not retreat back into hiding; and I will not be pulled too fast into a forced verbal response.
Instead I will try very hard to stay grounded in my interior Pam-ness. I will try to keep my own voice and trust my own response in my own time and in my own way.