In a world where you can have anything, you still can’t have everything.
That, lately, is my realization. I can’t have all of the things, but I can have any of the things. What a stupid rule.
I spent the past three weekends in retreat- the first, a silent retreat for myself; the second, a retreat I facilitated; and the third, a reunion retreat with my people (there really are no words to encompass what this group is to me, my tribe, my people is the closest thing I can come up with).
10 full days in retreat, turning inward to reflect on my purpose, my path and my progress.
And what do I have to show for it? What great wisdom have I imparted or received? Well… basically that you can have anything but you still can’t have everything.
Even while I was in retreat, I wanted more retreat. I wanted to escape further into the solitude, the grounds of nature, the depth of the discussion, the just ‘being’ with and beholding my beloveds. I wanted to buy things and sleep and not sleep and I wanted to share the books I had read and tell every single one of my stories and I wanted to gather all of the stories from everyone else and take them into my inmost center for storage and nourishment.
And now, at this laptop, working on this post, I want to say all of the things on my heart at once.
Participating in linear time is hard. I can’t have everything, so I must then make choices that satisfy. I have to window shop the thoughts in my mind and I have to sit in my body and listen to its gurbling. And then, I have to choose.
I can have anything, but I cannot have everything. And I have no choice but to be ok with that because resisting it doesn’t change it.